Somedays, one can not help but feel overwhelmed by everything, often, it escalates from a slight feeling of almost fainting to a quick out of this world, breath gasping almost dying feeling. In those moments of trembling, sweating, panting, in that daze , i still manage to touch myself.
Slowly and gently, i move my right hand and slide it across the spot. That part where i can feel my heart exploding in my chest , i touch that spot and breath, steadily, intentionally taking in all that sorrounds me, acknowledging it, being grateful and letting out all fear, stress and anxiety.
I love how the body eventually surrenders to the rhythm of my breath as the mind acknowledges the fear but refuses to be held captive by it . The trembling ceases and calm takes over at the sight of being held. Slowly with the hand still touching the spot where my heart hides, the small vibrations of warmth become more meaningful and the world around me is stable.
I have always been afraid of touching myself because in that moment, when breath is batted and the mind is sending fear signals to the heart, my hands are constantly looking for an external pillar, a thing , a person to grip and hold onto for safety. I have found that the safety is from within and when i touch myself, the comfort i find can not be stumbled upon externally.
Skin on skin, the warmth from the hand penetrates the heart and the mind starts to send signals of safety, i gain control of my body and my sorroundings and i am able to find balance. To find that floating feeling when fear is released and you allow water to carry the weight of the body in a swimming pool and all of a sudden , it was never the effort but the water that had the capcity to support you float if you let it.
There are many times and many things we think we have control over when really, we just have to surrender, hold ourselves and be reminded that we , and not any other external forces are responsible for our healing journey .
If for whatever reason you find yourself anxious, scared, overwhelmed…….. touch yourself. Remind yourself that yourpower is from within. Ignite it, float , breath!